I hate all girls vehemently.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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