It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
