It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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