you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
