I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to have your abortion
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
