wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
