Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
