I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
