I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
