So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My feet surprised me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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