Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
