he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
