Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you made out with another girl for some wings
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
