I faked an abortion last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
