we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
