Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
