Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
