I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
