apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
