I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
