Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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