Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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