hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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