there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
