you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
