Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
