Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
