she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
