i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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