She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
