Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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