he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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