Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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