I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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