I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
