Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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