he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
