I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
