I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
