dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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