friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
