oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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