I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
