My balls are so social today.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think your dad took our porno
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
