Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
