I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
