Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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