on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
