No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
