I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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