We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
