I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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