i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
