after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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