I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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