Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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