listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
