No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
