I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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