i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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