At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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