This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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