Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
